…And Good Will Toward (Chinese) Men

According to the 2010 Census, there are now more women than men in the United States.  It’s already hard enough to find a good man in this day and age, and now I come to find out that there’s even more competition out there.  China, on the other hand, is experiencing the opposite quandary.  Because of the one-child policy, the men in that country now grossly outnumber the women.  According to recent statistics, the ratio of men to women is 117:100, and it is projected that there will be 30 million more men than women by 2020.  I at least hope this means that Chinese women have the luxury of choosing the creme de la creme when searching for a mate, as we American females have been relegated to scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel.

I can’t help but think of how nearly 30 million Chinese men are being denied a happy ending because of the increasing gender disparity that exists in their homeland.  As someone who frequently speaks out against social injustice, I feel compelled to do something to help. My solution is to embark upon a goodwill mission to China and give blow jobs to all of the single men who reside there.  I know that this sounds like a daunting task, and it might take quite awhile to complete, but I must do my part to bring sexual pleasure to those in the world needing it most.  I can just picture them lining up on the banks of the Yellow River to receive my charitable donation.  A weaker person might not be able to handle such an undertaking, but my resolve and deep empathy for the plight of the Chinese man drives me.  It’s not their fault that they were born into a society that believes in population control.  They did not get to choose whether or not they were born with a penis.  They are merely victims of circumstance, and it brings me great joy to know that I can briefly shine a light into the lives of those who are forced to live in sexual darkness.

Of course I’d be lying if I said that my willingness to do this wasn’t at least a little bit self-serving.  As I wrote in my last post, it has been difficult for me to find meaningful intimate contact in the state of Florida.  Throwing myself into a project such as this will help to take my mind off of my own woes, giving me something productive and important to do as I search for the Holy Grail of breast-shaped islands where I hope to find Mr. Right (or Mr. One Night).  Having said that, regardless of my motivations, the men of China need me, and I will not let them down.

I only hope that my mission will inspire others around the world to follow in my footsteps.  Perhaps in doing this, I will be named U.N. Goodwill Ambassador to China.  I look forward to joining the ranks of those who have come before me in giving of themselves in foreign lands in the name of helping others.  These modern heroes include U.N. Goodwill Ambassador to Haiti Danny Glover and Madonna, who has selflessly cavorted with several international men of mystery (and did some good stuff in Africa, too).  I will anxiously be awaiting Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon’s call.  Maybe a working girl can win…

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